Open relationships are challenging, confusing, and messy (even at the best of times). If you’re wanting support on how to find your way in the worlds of polyamory, relationship anarchy, and other forms of consensual non-monogamy, the coaching I offer can help you make sense of it all.

With a training in intimacy counselling, holistic peer counselling, and somatics, I work from a trauma-informed basis and seek to empower you in your journey to embodied, authentic, joyful and loving relationships. 

Please read on to discover if I am the right coach for you!

Who is Relationship Coaching For?

I specialise in working with queer and questioning humans — and the people who love them — who are curious about or already practicing consensual non-monogamy, with a focus on Self-Partnership, Solo Polyamory, Relationship Anarchy, and Trauma Informed practices.

My clients are social misfits, cultural rebels, who are seeking support on dating and relating in honest non-monogamous relationship configurations. I work with individuals, rather than couples, but can work with all parties in a relationship individually. I focus on working with people exploring polyamory and relationship anarchy. 

I am an especially good fit for individuals who are exploring solo polyamory, people who are embarking into non-monogamy after the end of a long term monogamous relationship, and individuals who live with disabilities, long term illness (such as Long Covid, ME/CFS), and hold any other marginalised or minoritised identities (eg BIPOC, Mixed Ethnicity, Immigrant, Trans, Trauma survivors).

Personal relationship coaching can enhance your self relationship as well as the relationships you share with others.

Coaching is different from counselling and is definitely not the same as therapy: while counselling and therapy help to integrate past experiences into the present, I see coaching as what helps you move forward from the present, and into living and loving joyfully.

The people who enjoy working with me as their coach are usually folks who have enjoyed or resonate with the works of Betty Martin, Dr Kim Tallbear, Dr Meg-John Barker, Gabor Mate, Brene Brown, and Peter Levine. Within the non-monogamous world, my work aligns with the work of Marcia B, Ro Moed, Elizabeth Cunningham, Libby Sinback, Marie Thouin, Annie Undone, and Dr Alex Iantaffi.

I am trans-affirming, feminist, kink-friendly, and anti-racist.

Who is Relationship Coaching not for?

Relationship coaching is not helpful or effective when a relationship is in a state of emergency. If you are actively experiencing debilitating panic, paralysing anxiety, or find your brain spinning out constantly, then I encourage you to first seek out the support of a qualified therapist or counsellor.

The relationship coaching I offer is not a substitute for therapy and counselling.

I do not work with people seeking life-long monogamy, and I’m not a great fit for people who are only interested in exploring swinging connections without forming emotional relationships.

I am not the right coach for people who enjoy Joe Rogan, Aubrey Marcus, Teal Swan, Kelly Brogan, or Jordan Peterson.

The Importance of Choosing The Right Coach For You

If you’re here you’re probably looking at various options for coaching to support your polyamory journey. Please, do your due diligence to research who a coach is: how much experience do they have of non-monogamy, and what are their qualifications for offering advice to others about non-monogamy?

The support you receive from someone who writes a blog or creates content on social media but has never coached non-monogamous individuals is going to be very different from somebody who has trained in the realms of mental health and wellness and has been working directly with diverse polyamorous styles amongst their clientele for many years. Every coach also carries their own biases, which can include things like couple-centricity, ableism, and even some internalised racism at times. And that’s not to dismiss the value of any of the work that is out there — because every one offering polyamory support (whether it’s peer coaching, professional coaching, or polyam-affirming therapy) is doing needed and brave work — but it’s worth being discerning to find the right kind of support for you, that meets you where you are at in your own journey and (hopefully) helps you step into greater joy and ease within your non-monogamy.

What to Expect with Coaching

With coaching, you are in the driver’s seat. The benefits you gain will depend on how you engage with this work, and your commitment to show up. It is not always easy, and sometimes I might challenge you to look at things that might get uncomfortable. It is absolutely okay to be uncomfortable, and I encourage you to be messy, imperfect, and honest (with yourself) about what your experiences are! Through many years of experience I have found that we grow when we lean in to those edgy, uncomfortable places, and look at what they want to teach us about ourselves, and our relationship with others.

When we first meet I’ll ask you a bit about your relationship history and what you’d like to work on. I’ll offer reflections, insights, and perspectives. I might challenge you with re-framing your situation or experience, and I’ll suggest some action steps you could take. These could look like things you do by yourself, conversations to have with a partner, or activities to explore. Sometimes, we’ll dive into specific skills work (like how to have courageous conversations, or recognising somatic boundaries). Our sessions might also include some somatic work where I invite you to notice the physical responses that accompany your psychological state and emotional experience.

The first session you have with me is 75 minutes, but subsequent sessions can be 45 or 60 minutes, depending on how much you want to cover or how long it’s been since our last session. The frequency of coaching is totally up to you: some folks find they like to have several sessions in a short time period when they are going through particularly challenging situations. Others find that they like to have coaching sessions every-so-often, and might book every couple of months, or maybe a few times a year. It’s all about what feels best for you and what gives you the space and time to integrate the work into your life. 

Fees

I offer sliding scales rates: those who are able to pay more help me to offset my costs and keep the options for low income and hardship rates accessible to those who need them.
I accept payments via paypal or etransfer. For US and international clients I charge in US Dollars, for Canadian (domestic) clients, I charge in Canadian Dollars + 5% GST.

2024 rates:

Regular Rate: $180/hr
$225 for 75 min; $135 for 45 min

Coaching Packages (full fee only)
$440 for 1×75 min, 2x 45 min (savings of $55)
$355 for 3×45 min (savings of $50)
NEW: Somatic Experiencing Package of 3 x 60 min Somatics sessions $490 (savings of $50)

Low Income: $120/hr
(for anyone whose income is reduced)
$150 for 75 min; $90 for 45 min

Student/Hardship: $70/hr
(for students enrolled in college/university or similar, anyone on disability/income assistance, or whose income is below the threshold of living wage in their area)
$87.50 for 75 min; $52.50 for 45 min

Clients who have taken the six-week Monogamy Detox Course receive a 15% discount on whichever tier rate they pay at. This discount cannot be applied to coaching packages.

If you want to do coaching with a partner, please book individual one-on-one sessions first; I do not see partners together as new clients unless we have had individual sessions.
Please ensure appointments are booked accurately: do not book an appointment for someone else under your email, as I send out important information to new coaching clients.

 Ready to book?

Click the button below to visit my scheduler and make an appointment!

If you have more questions, please contact me here.

 

Book Your First Coaching Appointment Here

The Monogamy Detox

6-week online, life-time access workshop, runs every spring & fall.

Honest Non Monogamy

Five Month Beginner's Course on the Essentials for Non Monogamy

Coaching

Start Your Radical Relationship Journey Today

For Helping Professionals

Resources for professionals working with clients practicing Consensual Non Monogamy

Somatic Experiencing

Trauma-Informed Work based on mind-body integration practices

The Blog

Articles on Radical Relating

Insight Timer

Access Meditations for supporting your Non-Monogamy Journey

Workshops

Online and In Person Workshops

I just wanted you to know that our call helped me strengthen my relationships by thinking about and communicating my boundaries. So now I’m relieved AND more in alignment with my authentic self.
 
Jen
Nanaimo, Canada
Our session three weeks ago was absolutely amazing. You had so many helpful insights and really saw and understood what I am going through. It helped me so much!!
 
Anon
New York, USA
Our session was a game changer. It was like I found a rope in the dark to hold onto and slowly I will climb out of the deep well I've been in.
 
Anon
Pennsylvania, USA
I just wanted to take a moment to thank you SO MUCH for the absolutely illuminating, grounding and mind blowing session last night. I can't wait to integrate the awareness that emerged yesterday.
Your work is profound! Thank you so much! 
 
Anon
Vancouver, Canada
I wanted to let you know how much I appreciated our session - it was deeply helpful, validating and liberating!!! 
Laurie,
Costa Rica
"This was one of the best workshops I have taken regarding polyamory and trauma informed agreements in twenty-five plus years of seeking to develop skills within myself and relationships."
 
Anon Workshop Participant
Seattle, Washington
Thank you for the space in which you held during the workshop, the skills that were taught, the emotions opened and above all the clarity it allowed in how I present myself to the world and areas in which I was holding back. Thank you! So much thank you and gratitude for this. This workshop was the beginning of a month of so much opening and healing and realizing potential, I am beyond grateful.
 
Hilary
Victoria, Canada
Thank you so much for yesterday's session. I think it was probably pretty obvious that it was a powerful and meaningful session for both of us. We feel very lucky to have found you, and we're very grateful for your support, acknowledgement and care of us.
 
 
Anon
California, USA

"You’re a gem of a coach... There are so few as well-researched, as curious, as principled, and as grounded as you. Your resources are pure gold."

Dave
Nanaimo, BC

The Monogamy Detox course has been such a landmark in my life. You rock!
I've been able to articulate and communicate much better within my relationships and to create safe spaces.
 
Course Participant
Ireland

"I felt completely isolated and confused when it came to relationships when I first found Mel for coaching. After only one session, I knew she was a relationship mentor I could trust and wanted to learn more from."

Lindze
Atlanta, Georgia

Mel is an incredible listener and her attention to detail was crucial. I walked away with much more than I had anticipated: I came away with a lot of tools to work with, and also a comfortable understanding of who I am and how I present myself to others. Mel is nothing short of awesome at what she does, and I will continue to use her as a resource and recommend her.

Thank you so much Mel, you rock!!!
 
Anon
Colorado, USA
"Thank you so much for a wonderful workshop! Thank you for the space you held and your guidance. So enriching to spend time with good people on a path of evolution."
 
James
Victoria, BC, Canada
"My session with Mel went beyond value for money. She created an immediate sense of being seen and heard in non-judgmental space. Mel reflected accurate insights to me, and held space for me to explore things that were beneath the surface. I was moved by the integrity she worked from in our sharing. I felt great compassion and wisdom with her, and my thoughts and emotions  shifted to we worked. Mel is sharing a gift with her energy. "
 
Anon
Edmonton, AB, Canada

Thank you Mel for such an enlightening and helpful workshop! I thoroughly enjoyed all of it and look forward to continued learning from you. So grateful for all these extra resources. 
The work you are doing is changing the world in such positive ways, and helping people change their own worlds, both inner and outer. 

 
Anon Workshop Participant
BC, Canada

"It was so good for me to open up and a relief to see that things don't have to be so black and white but within this there is still the possibility of clarity and a more personal, creative and radical approach to relationships... Love what you are offering Mel. You are awesome at what you are doing! It was great for me to be out of my comfort zone and to hear from folks who appeared to be very much in theirs. Thank you!"

 
Anon Course Student
 
"Mel has been an incredibly valuable asset to me in helping to evolve my relationship skills and helping me to empathize with my partners. Her workshops and her coaching have drastically improved the communication level and quality of my relationships."
Gabriel
BC, Canada
"This was my first polyam-related workshop, and I really loved it. Mel was an excellent facilitator: welcoming, knowledgeable, professional, well defined boundaries at beginning, knew when to stay on a subject and when to move on, etc. I was incredibly impressed and would love to attend more!"
Anon
Non Monogamy 101 Workshop Participant

"I first took the class in spring 2020. The experience was like a seed planted in the garden that sprouted and continues to sink deeper roots and grow taller, reaching for the sun and remaining an important part of my relationship garden"

~ Paul, Monogamy Detox Course Student
USA

"I desperately knew in my bones there was another script out there for me but when I struggled to find a healthy version of one, I haphazardly began writing it myself. And now?! To come into an entire community of people actively peeling back the veil to reveal their own trauma and vulnerability?? I am over the moon and feel so enthusiastic all the time. It's the first time in the last several years where I have had such sustained joy and direction."

~ Anon Course Student
Colorado

"I receive so much incredible value from your work — I LOVE how you organize your rich information. You also have a knack for setting up a really safe, thoughtful, reflective container for learning. I really appreciate and admire your brain! Hoorah! In addition, your teaching brings together an amazing community of courageous humans that gather to learn and practice trauma-informed relating with ourselves and others!

Sunday's class was a deeply nourishing in ways I didn't know I missed / needed. THANK YOU!
I look forward to your next session!"
 
Joan Trinh Pham
Vancouver, BC, Canada
Mel is an exceptional communicator and listener. Having known her personally and attended several of her workshops I can attest that she has the rare combination of perspective and presentation that many more experienced facilitators lack. I highly recommend her offerings.
 
Anon
BC, Canada
Mel has been a tremendous source of inspiration for my relationships and my community at large. She presents with a combination of professionalism, knowledge and open-minded curiosity that makes her safe and approachable. My profound journey through love and relationships has definitely been helped through the time I have spent with Mel.
 
Erin
Rotterdam, Netherlands

"Your work has reminded me that perhaps there isn’t anything wrong with me at all. I am amazed at the deep levels of shame we carry as human beings because we don’t fit into the construct that is given to us as a model for our life. It feels exciting because I can now explore what I want for my life rather than be gifted something that just doesn’t feel right for me." 

Craig P

Australia
I just wanted to take a moment and thank you for your coaching yesterday. It really helped me to focus in on what mattered and what I want and to know where I stand in my relationship and with these shiny new polyboots!
The conversation with my partner went amazingly well. Like really really well. We found much common ground and even discovered our common kinks. I am feeling so loved and supported and ready for this next adventure. Thank you for being a part of that!
Anon
Vancouver, Canada
Mel maintains a calm demeanor with low pressure conversation. She's approachable and accessible. She cares. It shows. Her passion for intimacy and relationship actualization shines through. Sex positive, poly aware, and kink aware, Mel is a very versatile specialist and adviser - the perfect counselling choice no matter how simple or complicated your concern or situation is.
 
Victor
BC, Canada
"You've already made a VERY positive impact on me. It feels so much better to feel you in my corner. Thank you again and again and again..."
Anon
Alberta, Canada
Mel's skill and comfort with questioning and reformulating beliefs regarding relationships is contagious. If you want to open up to new possibilities, she can be a resource for you.
Nick
BC, Canada
"Thank you for your kind help and wisdom at such a fragile time - I appreciate it so much and it helped a lot."
 
Anon
Australia
"Your workshop was SO helpful and amazing. THANK YOU! Magnificent and earth-moving! Like moving things that have felt stuuuuuck!"
 
Anon Workshop Participant
Portland, Oregon
Just wanted to send my deep gratitude and appreciation for your workshop. I let go of some self-indictments around believing something "different" about love, and was able to move towards being more in integrity with myself (and those with whom I relate). I was also able to become really clear about my core "essentials" in relationships (whether monogamous or non-monogamous; romantic/sexual, emotional, social/community or other), and am certain these breakthroughs will only serve my own wellbeing and the wellbeing of those I have relationships with now and in the future more than I can even comprehend.
Anon
Victoria, BC, Canada
I’m so very appreciative for you, your humanness and your work.
Tiffany
Massachusetts, USA

"After the workshop I felt like I could breathe again. I felt like my version of non-monogamy wasn't "wrong" and, even more helpful, my former partners wasn't either. I connected with people thinking of the same things as I was, struggling with the same things, and asking questions like me. I cried. I breathed. And for the first time in my life I didn't feel like a love alien dropped onto this planet."

~ Anon,
BC Canada

Contact Me!

I just wanted you to know that our call helped me strengthen my relationships by thinking about and communicating my boundaries. So now I’m relieved AND more in alignment with my authentic self.
 
Jen
Nanaimo, Canada
Our session three weeks ago was absolutely amazing. You had so many helpful insights and really saw and understood what I am going through. It helped me so much!!
 
Anon
New York, USA
Our session was a game changer. It was like I found a rope in the dark to hold onto and slowly I will climb out of the deep well I've been in.
 
Anon
Pennsylvania, USA
I just wanted to take a moment to thank you SO MUCH for the absolutely illuminating, grounding and mind blowing session last night. I can't wait to integrate the awareness that emerged yesterday.
Your work is profound! Thank you so much! 
 
Anon
Vancouver, Canada
I wanted to let you know how much I appreciated our session - it was deeply helpful, validating and liberating!!! 
Laurie,
Costa Rica
"This was one of the best workshops I have taken regarding polyamory and trauma informed agreements in twenty-five plus years of seeking to develop skills within myself and relationships."
 
Anon Workshop Participant
Seattle, Washington
Thank you for the space in which you held during the workshop, the skills that were taught, the emotions opened and above all the clarity it allowed in how I present myself to the world and areas in which I was holding back. Thank you! So much thank you and gratitude for this. This workshop was the beginning of a month of so much opening and healing and realizing potential, I am beyond grateful.
 
Hilary
Victoria, Canada
Thank you so much for yesterday's session. I think it was probably pretty obvious that it was a powerful and meaningful session for both of us. We feel very lucky to have found you, and we're very grateful for your support, acknowledgement and care of us.
 
 
Anon
California, USA

"You’re a gem of a coach... There are so few as well-researched, as curious, as principled, and as grounded as you. Your resources are pure gold."

Dave
Nanaimo, BC

The Monogamy Detox course has been such a landmark in my life. You rock!
I've been able to articulate and communicate much better within my relationships and to create safe spaces.
 
Course Participant
Ireland

"I felt completely isolated and confused when it came to relationships when I first found Mel for coaching. After only one session, I knew she was a relationship mentor I could trust and wanted to learn more from."

Lindze
Atlanta, Georgia

Mel is an incredible listener and her attention to detail was crucial. I walked away with much more than I had anticipated: I came away with a lot of tools to work with, and also a comfortable understanding of who I am and how I present myself to others. Mel is nothing short of awesome at what she does, and I will continue to use her as a resource and recommend her.

Thank you so much Mel, you rock!!!
 
Anon
Colorado, USA
"Thank you so much for a wonderful workshop! Thank you for the space you held and your guidance. So enriching to spend time with good people on a path of evolution."
 
James
Victoria, BC, Canada
"My session with Mel went beyond value for money. She created an immediate sense of being seen and heard in non-judgmental space. Mel reflected accurate insights to me, and held space for me to explore things that were beneath the surface. I was moved by the integrity she worked from in our sharing. I felt great compassion and wisdom with her, and my thoughts and emotions  shifted to we worked. Mel is sharing a gift with her energy. "
 
Anon
Edmonton, AB, Canada

Thank you Mel for such an enlightening and helpful workshop! I thoroughly enjoyed all of it and look forward to continued learning from you. So grateful for all these extra resources. 
The work you are doing is changing the world in such positive ways, and helping people change their own worlds, both inner and outer. 

 
Anon Workshop Participant
BC, Canada

"It was so good for me to open up and a relief to see that things don't have to be so black and white but within this there is still the possibility of clarity and a more personal, creative and radical approach to relationships... Love what you are offering Mel. You are awesome at what you are doing! It was great for me to be out of my comfort zone and to hear from folks who appeared to be very much in theirs. Thank you!"

 
Anon Course Student
 
"Mel has been an incredibly valuable asset to me in helping to evolve my relationship skills and helping me to empathize with my partners. Her workshops and her coaching have drastically improved the communication level and quality of my relationships."
Gabriel
BC, Canada
"This was my first polyam-related workshop, and I really loved it. Mel was an excellent facilitator: welcoming, knowledgeable, professional, well defined boundaries at beginning, knew when to stay on a subject and when to move on, etc. I was incredibly impressed and would love to attend more!"
Anon
Non Monogamy 101 Workshop Participant

"I first took the class in spring 2020. The experience was like a seed planted in the garden that sprouted and continues to sink deeper roots and grow taller, reaching for the sun and remaining an important part of my relationship garden"

~ Paul, Monogamy Detox Course Student
USA

"I desperately knew in my bones there was another script out there for me but when I struggled to find a healthy version of one, I haphazardly began writing it myself. And now?! To come into an entire community of people actively peeling back the veil to reveal their own trauma and vulnerability?? I am over the moon and feel so enthusiastic all the time. It's the first time in the last several years where I have had such sustained joy and direction."

~ Anon Course Student
Colorado

"I receive so much incredible value from your work — I LOVE how you organize your rich information. You also have a knack for setting up a really safe, thoughtful, reflective container for learning. I really appreciate and admire your brain! Hoorah! In addition, your teaching brings together an amazing community of courageous humans that gather to learn and practice trauma-informed relating with ourselves and others!

Sunday's class was a deeply nourishing in ways I didn't know I missed / needed. THANK YOU!
I look forward to your next session!"
 
Joan Trinh Pham
Vancouver, BC, Canada
Mel is an exceptional communicator and listener. Having known her personally and attended several of her workshops I can attest that she has the rare combination of perspective and presentation that many more experienced facilitators lack. I highly recommend her offerings.
 
Anon
BC, Canada
Mel has been a tremendous source of inspiration for my relationships and my community at large. She presents with a combination of professionalism, knowledge and open-minded curiosity that makes her safe and approachable. My profound journey through love and relationships has definitely been helped through the time I have spent with Mel.
 
Erin
Rotterdam, Netherlands

"Your work has reminded me that perhaps there isn’t anything wrong with me at all. I am amazed at the deep levels of shame we carry as human beings because we don’t fit into the construct that is given to us as a model for our life. It feels exciting because I can now explore what I want for my life rather than be gifted something that just doesn’t feel right for me." 

Craig P

Australia
I just wanted to take a moment and thank you for your coaching yesterday. It really helped me to focus in on what mattered and what I want and to know where I stand in my relationship and with these shiny new polyboots!
The conversation with my partner went amazingly well. Like really really well. We found much common ground and even discovered our common kinks. I am feeling so loved and supported and ready for this next adventure. Thank you for being a part of that!
Anon
Vancouver, Canada
Mel maintains a calm demeanor with low pressure conversation. She's approachable and accessible. She cares. It shows. Her passion for intimacy and relationship actualization shines through. Sex positive, poly aware, and kink aware, Mel is a very versatile specialist and adviser - the perfect counselling choice no matter how simple or complicated your concern or situation is.
 
Victor
BC, Canada
"You've already made a VERY positive impact on me. It feels so much better to feel you in my corner. Thank you again and again and again..."
Anon
Alberta, Canada
Mel's skill and comfort with questioning and reformulating beliefs regarding relationships is contagious. If you want to open up to new possibilities, she can be a resource for you.
Nick
BC, Canada
"Thank you for your kind help and wisdom at such a fragile time - I appreciate it so much and it helped a lot."
 
Anon
Australia
"Your workshop was SO helpful and amazing. THANK YOU! Magnificent and earth-moving! Like moving things that have felt stuuuuuck!"
 
Anon Workshop Participant
Portland, Oregon
Just wanted to send my deep gratitude and appreciation for your workshop. I let go of some self-indictments around believing something "different" about love, and was able to move towards being more in integrity with myself (and those with whom I relate). I was also able to become really clear about my core "essentials" in relationships (whether monogamous or non-monogamous; romantic/sexual, emotional, social/community or other), and am certain these breakthroughs will only serve my own wellbeing and the wellbeing of those I have relationships with now and in the future more than I can even comprehend.
Anon
Victoria, BC, Canada
I’m so very appreciative for you, your humanness and your work.
Tiffany
Massachusetts, USA

"After the workshop I felt like I could breathe again. I felt like my version of non-monogamy wasn't "wrong" and, even more helpful, my former partners wasn't either. I connected with people thinking of the same things as I was, struggling with the same things, and asking questions like me. I cried. I breathed. And for the first time in my life I didn't feel like a love alien dropped onto this planet."

~ Anon,
BC Canada