
My racial, ethnic & cultural identity is complex and evolving
I’m a white-presenting 2nd generation settler of MENAHT and Celtic/Anglo descent, born in the UK, raised in the Middle East, and came to live in Canada in 2004.
On my maternal side, the 6 generations I can trace were all refugees, originating mostly around Anatolia and the Balkans, but with genetic roots in Sinti (Roma), Jewish, and Arab ancestry. My grandmother and mother were survivors of eugenics policies during the Nazi occupation of Greece in World War Two.
The paternal side of my family are Irish immigrants to England, and genetically trace to what are known as ‘Black Irish’ (Irish with Spanish ancestry, called black for their darker hair), Finnish, and Welsh.
I hold immense privilege as a white-presenting dual citizen (from birth) of Canada and the UK, but have never felt at home in either culture. My mother’s Greek family immigrated first to Venezuela in the 1950s, before immigrating to Canada in the early 1960s and ‘adapting into whiteness’: creating anglo-friendly short forms of their names, and taking on behaviors and values of the dominant culture around them as a means to fit in and find social connection. As a teenager, I lived in Kuwait, the country that has felt most like ‘home’ to me, and I hold deep respect for the hospitality and kindness I experienced from Arab Culture, and many of the other cultures that were present in the Middle East.
I practice anti-racism, anti-oppression, and support decolonization.
When I came to Canada I was ignorant to the expressions of racism as it exists in North America, and stumbled in my ignorance. It has been an ongoing journey to unpack the layers of internalized white supremacy, and I don’t know if that journey has a finish line. I see anti-oppression as a practice, meaning there is always more to learn and more to do.
I refute binary gendered scripts
I support diverse gender expression and reject the idea that a person must behave according to a limited scope because of their genitals or endocrine system.
I support inclusion
I am sensitive to the needs of the differently-abled, and am in an ongoing process to examine and improve the accessibility of my offerings, including adding subtitles to my video materials, providing transcripts of audio materials, and making graphics more user friendly. This is a time consuming process, so if you come across any materials you need alternative access support with, please send me a message and I will prioritize this material for you.
I support personal spirituality but remain skeptical of spiritual cliques
I have respect for diverse religious and spiritual practices that (a) do no harm , (b) support healthy relationships between all humans, and (c) are rooted in traditions and lineage.
I am a student of Siddha Yoga, and have also studied additional spiritual paths and practices that support my personal connection to spirit.
I embrace both modern western medicine and traditional medicine and healing practices
I listen to science and seek to understand the workings of the body. My experience has been that both alopathic and naturpathic paths for wellness have their merits and their drawbacks.
I support free choice regarding responsible, intentional, fully informed, respectful use of psychedelics as part of mental health healing, where plant medicines are gathered and other medicines created respectfully, with integrity for indigenous traditions, the land, and the people who participate in all steps of the processing of medicine from origin to student.
I advocate for consent culture, feminism, and dismantling the patriarchy
"You’re a gem of a coach... There are so few as well-researched, as curious, as principled, and as grounded as you. Your resources are pure gold."
Dave
Nanaimo, BC
I've been able to articulate and communicate much better within my relationships and to create safe spaces.
"I felt completely isolated and confused when it came to relationships when I first found Mel for coaching. After only one session, I knew she was a relationship mentor I could trust and wanted to learn more from."
Mel is an incredible listener and her attention to detail was crucial. I walked away with much more than I had anticipated: I came away with a lot of tools to work with, and also a comfortable understanding of who I am and how I present myself to others. Mel is nothing short of awesome at what she does, and I will continue to use her as a resource and recommend her.
Thank you Mel for such an enlightening and helpful workshop! I thoroughly enjoyed all of it and look forward to continued learning from you. So grateful for all these extra resources.
The work you are doing is changing the world in such positive ways, and helping people change their own worlds, both inner and outer.
"It was so good for me to open up and a relief to see that things don't have to be so black and white but within this there is still the possibility of clarity and a more personal, creative and radical approach to relationships... Love what you are offering Mel. You are awesome at what you are doing! It was great for me to be out of my comfort zone and to hear from folks who appeared to be very much in theirs. Thank you!"
"I first took the class in spring 2020. The experience was like a seed planted in the garden that sprouted and continues to sink deeper roots and grow taller, reaching for the sun and remaining an important part of my relationship garden"
~ Paul, Monogamy Detox Course Student
USA
"I desperately knew in my bones there was another script out there for me but when I struggled to find a healthy version of one, I haphazardly began writing it myself. And now?! To come into an entire community of people actively peeling back the veil to reveal their own trauma and vulnerability?? I am over the moon and feel so enthusiastic all the time. It's the first time in the last several years where I have had such sustained joy and direction."
~ Anon Course Student
Colorado
Rotterdam, Netherlands
"Your work has reminded me that perhaps there isn’t anything wrong with me at all. I am amazed at the deep levels of shame we carry as human beings because we don’t fit into the construct that is given to us as a model for our life. It feels exciting because I can now explore what I want for my life rather than be gifted something that just doesn’t feel right for me."
Craig P
"After the workshop I felt like I could breathe again. I felt like my version of non-monogamy wasn't "wrong" and, even more helpful, my former partners wasn't either. I connected with people thinking of the same things as I was, struggling with the same things, and asking questions like me. I cried. I breathed. And for the first time in my life I didn't feel like a love alien dropped onto this planet."
~ Anon,
BC Canada
The Monogamy Detox
Relationship Coaching
The MasculiniTea Podcast
"You’re a gem of a coach... There are so few as well-researched, as curious, as principled, and as grounded as you. Your resources are pure gold."
Dave
Nanaimo, BC
I've been able to articulate and communicate much better within my relationships and to create safe spaces.
"I felt completely isolated and confused when it came to relationships when I first found Mel for coaching. After only one session, I knew she was a relationship mentor I could trust and wanted to learn more from."
Mel is an incredible listener and her attention to detail was crucial. I walked away with much more than I had anticipated: I came away with a lot of tools to work with, and also a comfortable understanding of who I am and how I present myself to others. Mel is nothing short of awesome at what she does, and I will continue to use her as a resource and recommend her.
Thank you Mel for such an enlightening and helpful workshop! I thoroughly enjoyed all of it and look forward to continued learning from you. So grateful for all these extra resources.
The work you are doing is changing the world in such positive ways, and helping people change their own worlds, both inner and outer.
"It was so good for me to open up and a relief to see that things don't have to be so black and white but within this there is still the possibility of clarity and a more personal, creative and radical approach to relationships... Love what you are offering Mel. You are awesome at what you are doing! It was great for me to be out of my comfort zone and to hear from folks who appeared to be very much in theirs. Thank you!"
"I first took the class in spring 2020. The experience was like a seed planted in the garden that sprouted and continues to sink deeper roots and grow taller, reaching for the sun and remaining an important part of my relationship garden"
~ Paul, Monogamy Detox Course Student
USA
"I desperately knew in my bones there was another script out there for me but when I struggled to find a healthy version of one, I haphazardly began writing it myself. And now?! To come into an entire community of people actively peeling back the veil to reveal their own trauma and vulnerability?? I am over the moon and feel so enthusiastic all the time. It's the first time in the last several years where I have had such sustained joy and direction."
~ Anon Course Student
Colorado
Rotterdam, Netherlands
"Your work has reminded me that perhaps there isn’t anything wrong with me at all. I am amazed at the deep levels of shame we carry as human beings because we don’t fit into the construct that is given to us as a model for our life. It feels exciting because I can now explore what I want for my life rather than be gifted something that just doesn’t feel right for me."
Craig P
"After the workshop I felt like I could breathe again. I felt like my version of non-monogamy wasn't "wrong" and, even more helpful, my former partners wasn't either. I connected with people thinking of the same things as I was, struggling with the same things, and asking questions like me. I cried. I breathed. And for the first time in my life I didn't feel like a love alien dropped onto this planet."
~ Anon,
BC Canada
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"You’re a gem of a coach... There are so few as well-researched, as curious, as principled, and as grounded as you. Your resources are pure gold."
Dave
Nanaimo, BC
I've been able to articulate and communicate much better within my relationships and to create safe spaces.
"I felt completely isolated and confused when it came to relationships when I first found Mel for coaching. After only one session, I knew she was a relationship mentor I could trust and wanted to learn more from."
Mel is an incredible listener and her attention to detail was crucial. I walked away with much more than I had anticipated: I came away with a lot of tools to work with, and also a comfortable understanding of who I am and how I present myself to others. Mel is nothing short of awesome at what she does, and I will continue to use her as a resource and recommend her.
Thank you Mel for such an enlightening and helpful workshop! I thoroughly enjoyed all of it and look forward to continued learning from you. So grateful for all these extra resources.
The work you are doing is changing the world in such positive ways, and helping people change their own worlds, both inner and outer.
"It was so good for me to open up and a relief to see that things don't have to be so black and white but within this there is still the possibility of clarity and a more personal, creative and radical approach to relationships... Love what you are offering Mel. You are awesome at what you are doing! It was great for me to be out of my comfort zone and to hear from folks who appeared to be very much in theirs. Thank you!"
"I first took the class in spring 2020. The experience was like a seed planted in the garden that sprouted and continues to sink deeper roots and grow taller, reaching for the sun and remaining an important part of my relationship garden"
~ Paul, Monogamy Detox Course Student
USA
"I desperately knew in my bones there was another script out there for me but when I struggled to find a healthy version of one, I haphazardly began writing it myself. And now?! To come into an entire community of people actively peeling back the veil to reveal their own trauma and vulnerability?? I am over the moon and feel so enthusiastic all the time. It's the first time in the last several years where I have had such sustained joy and direction."
~ Anon Course Student
Colorado
Rotterdam, Netherlands
"Your work has reminded me that perhaps there isn’t anything wrong with me at all. I am amazed at the deep levels of shame we carry as human beings because we don’t fit into the construct that is given to us as a model for our life. It feels exciting because I can now explore what I want for my life rather than be gifted something that just doesn’t feel right for me."
Craig P
"After the workshop I felt like I could breathe again. I felt like my version of non-monogamy wasn't "wrong" and, even more helpful, my former partners wasn't either. I connected with people thinking of the same things as I was, struggling with the same things, and asking questions like me. I cried. I breathed. And for the first time in my life I didn't feel like a love alien dropped onto this planet."
~ Anon,
BC Canada