Mistakes? I’ve made a few.
Like you, I’m human—and, as part of my commitment to undoing white supremacy culture, I’m also committed to challenging perfectionism, which includes owning my mistakes, mis-steps, and with humility engaging in ongoing learning.
My Understanding of Perfectionism
- No one is perfect. Every single person, no matter how much education or experience, is capable of making mistakes. And sometimes those mistakes can have detrimental impacts on others.
- Intention matters, yes, and impact also matters. If something is a big deal to only one person in the equation, it is still a big deal.
- People in counter-culture communities value these continuing relationships, and as such might be reluctant to speak up, out of fear of ostrasization or loss of these connections.
- Dominance Culture is deeply ingrained, and no matter what I, as an educator and coach do to subvert that, others will still put me on a pedestal and expect higher standards of me in my conduct.
Providing Feedback
If, in any of your interactions with me as a coach or facilitator, you feel unheard, unseen, hurt, or in any other way negatively impacted, you may directly send me anonymous feedback through this form. If you’d like a response, there is an option to leave your contact information.
Please be clear about what you need of me: do you just need to know the feedback is heard? Are you seeking specific actions of acknowledgement? Do you want to engage in a restorative process around accountability?
If you would like a response, please leave a means that you may be contacted.
What Is Accountability?
Accountability means taking responsibility and changing behaviours. This could look like acknowledging the impact of a behaviour or action and making a commitment to changed behaviour going forward. For example, accountability for using ableist language would include acknowledgement of the harm this language does, and outlining steps I would take to ensure I learn from this feedback and do not repeat the same harm to others.
In situations where a position of power has been abused, a more involved process for accountability may be needed. An accountability process is not part of a carceral system, nor is it a tool through which to condemn, bully, or marginalize. It is usually community-based, relational, and focussed on repair from harm. The goal of an accountability process is usually to repair a relationship, or at least for all parties involved to be able to exist in spaces (physical or virtual) together.
If an accountability process is requested, due to a misuse of my positional power as a coach or facilitator over someone who has been my client or student, and there is a desire to return to a relationship of trust, I will assemble a support team — known as an accountability pod. This will be a group of peers and professionals whom I trust to give me critical feedback, and to help me to learn from my mistakes and mis-steps. They are here to do that emotional labor with me, so that someone who has been harmed by me doesn’t have to.
It is worth noting, an accountability pod does not exist to police actions or communities, nor are they equipped to provide emotional labor in the form of counseling, trauma work, or coaching, to any complainants.
My core values:
Integrity. I hold myself to some high standards as a human being. If I’ve done something that goes against who I strive to be in the world, I desire to do what I can (within what means I have) to restore integrity.
Kindness. I believe in honoring every individual with unconditional positive regard. I recognise that truth can be subjective based on personal experiences, so even when my truth is different from another’s truth, I seek to be able to understand them, rather than judge them or shut them out.
Respect. I seek to honor and respect all beings, wherever they are in their journey.
Anti-Oppression. I seek to work against oppressive systems, whether that is white supremacy, toxic masculinity, dominance culture, or other. I also recognise that some of these oppressive systems may come alive in me. It is through self inquiry and the feedback and reflection from others that I’ve learned how to identify and change these patterns in myself.
Rejection of Urgency. As a person living with chronic illness, and who is committed to working away from values of White Supremacy Culture, I prioritize care for my health and wellbeing. I pace my work and prioritise living and working in an unrushed fashion. As such, I may take time to respond to feedback.
My Boundaries
To be clear, there are certain things that I do not think anyone should ever have to apologize for:
– Standing up for personal boundaries, rights, and dignity;
– Calling attention to racist, transphobic, misogynistic or otherwise abusive and harmful behaviours in others;
– Sharing personal opinions and experiences;
– Appropriate emotional expression.
I reserve the right to not engage in a process if it would be detrimental to my physical or mental wellbeing, if the other party engages with aggression, or if complaints are brought forward by an individual who I have experienced abuse from. I will not engage with any individual who engages in threatening, harassing, or stalker-like behaviour towards me. Furthermore, I will not engage with anyone who threatens, harasses, or displays aggression towards any friend, partner, colleague, or member of my accountability pod in relation to me.
If you have feedback to share with me anonymously, you can fill out this form here.